Hello, Loved Ones. Let me start by apologizing. We apologize for sucking so hard.
I have put off this post a bit because I do not enjoy disappointing people. I prefer to deal with that sort of thing by NOT dealing with it at all. Avoidance for the win!
Again, we suck so hard, and we know it, and we get it if you just feel too tired to stay engaged in our lives anymore. We would appreciate it if you would stick with us, but we absolutely get it. I don’t think of Sergio and myself as flaky people, but when we flake out, we do it with gusto.
Okay, okay, I’ll get to the point.
We are no longer moving back to Arkansas. We are instead moving to New Mexico.
I know that sounds weird because Sergio already moved back to Arkansas, right? The timing is a cosmic comedy of epic proportions. But the kind of comedy that makes you drop your shaking head into your hands. That kind of painful, have to look away kind of comedy.
The only way to explain this, to offer any justification, is to be honest now where I wasn’t so honest before. Sergio and I were both initially very relieved and excited at the idea of moving home to Arkansas. When you are offered a way out of Alaska at the height of winter, you sometimes overlook the problems with the offer. It is especially easy to overlook the problems when your friends and family are such a large part of the opportunity. However, the mental fog lifts not long after the light starts returning, and after we moved beyond that initial pleasure of telling everyone, imagining our lives back home, and sort of reveling in the ease of the plan, my brain kicked back to life.
Sergio and I had always had an agreed upon mental list of criteria that any future opportunity had to meet in order for us to give up our very comfortable jobs in Alaska. Proximity to family was definitely on the list, but it wasn’t the ONLY thing on the list. Yet, we took a job offer back home that met ONLY that criteria. Not a single other item was checked off!
It was at this point that I started panicking. My gut was screaming at me at literally every hour of the day that we had moved forward with a decision too quickly. I was not sleeping. At all. Remember not too long ago when I got a weighted blanket to ease my anxiety and help my sleeping? Yeah. If my life were a plot-driven narrative, that would have been foreshadowing for you guys. I was not sleeping for a very specific reason.
We moved forward anyway because Sergio is a far steadier person than me. Despite us both realizing that some parts of this move weren’t exactly ideal at this moment, we both really did like the idea of being home again and figured it would work out eventually.
Only three Wednesdays into Sergio’s new job, an offer that we had pursued back in December came tumbling unexpectedly back into our lives. It felt cruel. If this offer hadn’t been postponed due to Federal budget confusion, we would have always been headed to NM. We would never have teased people with the idea of moving home only to snatch it away again.
We actually just dismissed the offer outright at first. It’s too late! The wheels have been put into motion and there is no going back! Except that when we gave it some thought, we realized that the wheels could just be turned in a different direction. Nothing had been done yet that couldn’t be changed. So we slowed down a bit and gave it some thought, and after a few long phone conversations, we realized that the only thing standing between us and taking this opportunity was the thought of disappointing our families and friends. And this is where you get to blame our parents instead of us because had they been angry, or sad, or unsupportive, we probably would have just stayed the course. Instead, they were very understanding and supportive. With that burden lifted, we accepted the offer.
I’ve slept pretty soundly ever since. My gut is quiet and calm again. I think that is a good sign that this was the right call.
It doesn’t mean we don’t regret that our initial plan wasn’t the right plan. It would have been very nice if it had been.
I do think there was a purpose to this poor timing though. Hear me out. I was always going to wonder what opportunity we had left on the table in Arkansas if this NM move had come up first. There would have been a part of me always looking toward home as the ultimate goal. By doing it this way, I got to experience all of the feelings that came with moving home and now understand that the adage “You can’t go home again” is an adage for a reason.
I hope our friends and family will stick with us through this decision. I mean, we may not be just up the road like you expected, but we DID STILL shrink the distance by over 50 hours for most of you. Come on out and see us soon.