Day Four Thoughts

I think I had a small breakthrough on Monday. I realized that my primary anxiety on my way to work was not driving. It was my 5th period class. It is not unusual for 5th period (an unholy combination of 17 eighth grade boys and only 3 girls) to be my primary anxiety, but it was entirely displaced by snow driving for a bit. There was no room for any other worry because my fear of driving was so big as to consume everything else. And then, all the sudden, it wasn’t!

I’m not saying I enjoy driving in the snow. I’m not saying I’m any better at it than before. I’m just saying that it has become a normal part of my day and sometimes makes room in my brain for other worries. That’s a welcome relief. On the other hand, every now and then my truck decides it should lose all traction during a roundabout (of which we have 3 in a row in the middle of NP) and my brain immediately blitzes out in panicked color and light and very little rational thought. So far it’s okay because I go about 3 mph in the roundabouts. From the outside it probably looks like nothing has happened, but from my perspective I am involuntarily stuck in a speeding dragster that just caught air and is about to flip three or four times. My frozen face of terror probably makes bystanders wonder if that lady creeping by at nearly zero is having a stroke.

I guess all I’m really saying is that I am still an anxious person but my anxiety is nice and balanced again. How nice for me.

Totally unrelated news! Our friends had their second child yesterday. Back in Arkansas, of course. I am thrilled for them and definitely NOT dwelling on the fact that we are here and not there to meet this kiddo. Not dwelling on it at all. Congrats, friends!

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