How Do You Spell The Sound Of A Zerbit? That’s My Title. That Sound.

You know those dreams you have where you open a door in your normal house and realize that there is an extra room you’ve never noticed before? You’ll just be toodling along in your sleep and then, BOOM, ballroom in the closet. Well, I had a real life moment like that in Fairbanks the other day. Until last weekend I would have told you with certainty that the only places to shop for clothes in Fairbanks were Old Navy, Wal-Mart, Fred Meyer, and some boutiques. On Saturday I went out of the side door of the Michaels into a tiny mall area only to find a Payless, Journeys, Aeropostale, Hot Topic, and an American Eagle. These aren’t even places I shop for myself these days, but the utter surprise of finding them where I thought there was only an alternate entry to a Safeway was downright startling. There’s a ballroom outside the Michaels! Whoa!

I feel like I should also mention that there are several outdoor stores in Fairbanks that also offer a lot of clothes. Very specific clothes. I am currently wearing a lovely fitted Patagonia flannel shirt. So comfy. Probably a stereotype but what else is living in Alaska good for if not having an excuse to wear flannel shirts?

I’ve been slammed with grading and planning and regenerating my reserves of patience before each new school day this week. I haven’t had much time to devote to posting. So while I have a moment I’ll go ahead and mention the only other thought I’ve had recently. Here are the ways that my child made me feel inadequate this week.

  1. Fell and slammed her face into the ground during soccer causing massive bleeding and a loose tooth. All the other parents were VERY CONCERNED and I was just sort of like, “I dunno, rinse it out and get out there and play again, maybe?”
  2. Her tooth fell out a week later leaving a giant hole in her mouth because it was not at all ready to really come out, and I was like, “I dunno, maybe you should rinse it out sometimes until it closes up?”
  3. She woke up with a raging fever and sore throat followed by puking and I was like, “I dunno, do you think she needs to see a doctor?”
  4. We sent her back to school the next day and all seemed fine until I picked her up and she dissolved in tears because she was sick! and hungry! and the substitute had been mean to her because she NEEDED to put her head down and sleep all day! I responded with, “I dunno, do you think a Frosty might help?” (I also responded with some deep suspicion of the substitute for not making sure she had time to eat lunch after coming back from the nurse, but whatever.)
  5. She was fine by Monday but when I went to meet her afternoon bus she was nowhere to be found. It pulled away before I could run toward it yelling like a lunatic. I was NOT confused this time, but fully panicked. Did she ride the bus? Did she forget? Did her teacher also forget to remind her? Did she ride the wrong bus? Did someone steal her between the school door and the bus? I called the school. Not there. I called the bus people. They found her immediately. Apparently Rolo was like, “I dunno, is this my stop? I know I do it twice a week, every week, but maybe today is different?

They had her back to me in ten minutes and I was really impressed with how well they can handle these things. I was mortified having to apologize to the very nice driver for my absentminded kid. Apparently this happens about once a week or so.

I guess the moral here is that parenting makes you feel stupid. Several times a day.

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